How to be lost
by Sapphira Eleyne
Summary: What if Martin has a daughter who was missing for more than six years? Now she’s back and hides some secrets of her own. Especially when a classmate goes missing…
1. Prologue

Here is my new story. Like always: first of all I am just lending the characters they are not mine. I am German so this isn't that easy for me, so if there are some mistakes with the language please feel free to tell me and be kind! I hope you like the story, but now enjoy!

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"**How to be lost" by Sapphira Eleyne**

_**Prologue "Shadows"**_

_This wasn't good __idea; twelve-year-old Allisone Fitzgerald thought not knowing why she was doing this. The day had been warm, but a cool breeze came from the river when they headed for the house and she was freezing. What if someone saw them and reported them to the police? But she couldn't go and leave Cindy alone. What if she did something stupid and dangerous? She didn't like the way Cindy was taking over, and __the__ she didn't like the way she push away a young girl who was in her way. If they were caught, there was no way the department would let her live with her dad. This was such a bad idea. She should be with Whitney and help her with her homework and not hanging around with Cindy. _

"_Cindy, let's go!" Allie whispered._

"_What's the matter?" Cindy said coolly as she brushed her blond hair out of her brown eyes and leaned towards Allisone whispering, "Loosing your nerve?"_

"_No, but I thought we only wanted to look at the film and not do it here!" _

"_This is a great idea and what I have heard about you, you are the right one!" Cindy laughed._

_Maybe Cindy was right. Allisone hated wearing the uniform. She hated doing anything the same way everyone else was doing. But she decided that if she had to dress like the other kids, at least she could make sure her hair displayed her uniqueness. Every couple of weeks she had different coloured streaks in her long white-blond her. This week the streaks were blue. _

_She wasn't close to many people. She didn't have a lot of friends, and most of the time she preferred to be alone. She was known for saying exactly what she thought, which made other kids uneasy around her. Not her girlfriend Whitney and she thought Cindy, but now she wasn't so sure._

"_I'm not that girl any longer Cindy, that was another lifetime, what if we get caught?"_

"_We're not going to get caught," Cindy argued. "I thought you were daring and not such a coward if you try and back out now, I'll tell. I'll tell everyone it was all your idea," she said._

"_You can't do that. It wasn't my idea, they won't believe you!" Allie shouted._

"_Oh, yes! I'm the good girl and you were caught by the police earlier. I can!" Cindy whispers._

_Allisone stared at her. Cindy was probably bluffing, but what if she really told everything? Her new life would break apart. She couldn't bear it one more time to be separated from her father. She loved him too much and it would be hell._

"_Let's go!" Allie said._

_Cindy smiled and run up the ramp. Nervously Allisone followed her up the ramp to the entrance._


	2. Night without shadows

1

**Here is the first chapter. I'm sorry it took so long, but I had to write some tests. I only want to add, that the story "How to be lost" is a sequel to "Haunted by the past" but with its own story. Now have fun and don't forget to review.**

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**1. Cha****pter „How to be lost": Night without shadows**

"_If ever you feel the rain  
and everyone feels the rain - sometimes  
remember to call my name  
and I'll be there."_

(You'll Never Walk Alone (Carousel) Lyrics)

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Five months were past since Martin Fitzgerald faced the evil of his childhood. He met regularly with his younger sister Fiona, but wasn't able to speak with his mother. She remained in the city, he knew that much but he couldn't forgive her and thus wouldn't speak to her. He took a month off to heal, physically and emotionally and to prove he was able to face the stresses of the job again; then something unexpected happened to make him question that stability.

He rubbed this tired eyes. The wordsof the report merged into each other and he leaned his head heavily in his hands. After a short break he turned again to his boring paper. The case yesterday evening ended after midnight. So there wasn't much time for sleep and the paperwork was absolutely boring. That's why the ringing of his mobile phone was really a release.

"Fitzgerald."

"Hey, Dad!" the voice said. "How is work?"

Martin was puzzled and looked on his watch. It was only nine o'clock in the morning.

"Oh, great!" he answered sarcastically.

When he said this Danny looked up curiously from his papers. Martin noticed the glance and turned away.

"Why are you calling me at this time? You haven't actually something to do?"

"I'm standing in front of the entrance. Can you come down? Please! … I'm not feeling well."

The agent was silent for a few seconds, but then he said: "Wait there, I'm coming in a few minutes." And put his mobile phone into his jacket. "Danny, I must go for one or two hours. Please tell Jack I'll be back in time. It's really important."

"What's the matter? You made a date or something?" the dark haired man wanted to know.

"No, Danny. There is no date or something else."

"Oh, if you say so." He grinned.

Martin rolled his eyes and went to the elevator. He actually didn't want Dannyto thing he was involved in anything, but there was no easy way to speak about his daughter.

--

When Martin stepped out the door, he saw her immediately. A few strands of hair had loosened out of her plait. When Allisone saw him she ran immediately to him and embraced him. He was worried about his daughter, because she was extremely pale and had dark circles under her eyes. He stroked his hand gently over her hair and when he put his hand on her forehead, he noticed she was warm**, **probably getting a fever, he thought, better bring her home, fast.

"I will take you home, okay?"

Allie nodded and followed her father to the car.

When they arrived at home, Allisone sat down on the sofa. Martin was still annoyed about last night, but he also knew something was definitely not okay. There was no sense in pushing his daughter, because they were similar in this way. So he hugged her.

Allie smelled the familiar scent of the starch of the shirt, the after shave and his scent. Then she pressed her ear against his chest and listened to the reassuring thudding of his heart. It was an old habit, when she was a little girl and especially when she needed something real to hear or smell. She always was listening for things, the familiar sound of the refrigerator kicking on, the rain that was falling against the window and the racket of cars in the morning. It told her everything was normal. The world was okay.

"How is my beautiful blue-haired girl?" he asked quietly and gave her a kiss on her head.

"Dad, it washes out after a few times and I'm feeling a little bit better." Allie managed a little smile.

"You want to tell me where you were yesterday evening? I was scared to death when you weren't at home and I thought we made a deal." Martin said sternly.

Allie swallowed a few times. "I know, Dad. I'm really sorry, but … You know I'm popular at this school, but there are some girls who can't stand me. I thought that one of the girls, Cindy, was different, but I failed. She was mean and cruel and I feel a bit more like an outsider. I knew you weren't back from work and so I walked home. Why must everything be so tough?"

Martin couldn't answer and so they sat in silence.

"You better go to bed, sweetie."

"Okay, Dad." Allie rose and went into her room.

Before Martin headed back to work, he checked on his daughter. She lay in her bed with her soft blanket. He sat down on her bed and said good-bye to her. When he tried to rise, it seemed as if she didn't want him to walk away. Allie held his jacket firm and looked her father for a long time in his face with her sapphire-blue eyes.

"Do you want to learn me by heart, Allie?" Martin asked and strokes her gently over her hair.

"No," she said "I already keep you deeply in my heart for more than eleven years. Even if there are some years missing."

Martin held her firmly as a tear rolled down his cheek. He really wanted to stay but knew he had to be back at the office or otherwise he would have problems.

"I'm leaving Allie."

"Okay, Dad. You must call the school."

"All right, I will say you are ill."

A few seconds later, she heard the front door close. Allie rested her head on the soft pillow and took up her sketch pad.

--

When Martin returned to the office they got a new case.

"Hey Danny, what's the matter?"

"We have a missing girl, twelve-year old. Her name is Cindy Petersen. She wasn't at home this morning when her mother wanted to wake her up. The mother called a few friends, but no one had seen Cindy since yesterday afternoon. The mother is sure she never would play truant. The father is in Washington, but he will come back as fast as possible." Danny explained.

"Can I help you?"

"The father is a more or less a successful adviser. Maybe you can check his clients and if he had problems with some of them. Vivian and Sam are speaking with the mother, Elena and Jack are in the school and speaking with her schoolmates and teachers."

Martin nodded and went to his desk. He was deep in his work when his mobile phone rang for the second time this day.

"Fitzgerald?"

"Dad, sorry to disturb you, but I couldn't find any pills for a sore throat. Could you buy some when your work is finished?"

"I will buy some and don't strain yourself."

"Of course, when do you think you'll come home?" Allie asked.

"I don't know it. We have a new case, so it could become late. I will bring you the pills in between, so don't wait for me."

"Mmmh … okay. But I really wish you would be early at home." Allie sounds disappointed.

"I'm sorry, honey. See you later. I love you."

"Love you too. Good luck." Allie said good-bye.

"Where is the lady?" Danny asked curiously when he stepped to Martin's desk. Without looking up he spoke. "What do you mean?"

"On the telephone! Was it your date a short while ago?"

"I didn't make a date. We have to work, Danny." Martin said not hiding the annoyance in his voice.

Danny said nothing when he returned to his desk, but from time to time he had a curious look to his friend.

--

At the same time Jack and Elena interviewed Cindy's classmates and her teachers. It seemed that Cindy was popular and she was good at school. Nothing seemed to point out that she would run away. The two agents interviewed Cindy's best friend, Sharon Gowdy, when a young curly-haired girl and freckles came closer.

"Agent Delgado?"

"What can I do for you?"

"My name is Maria Kincaid. I have to tell you something about Cindy …" She didn't want to say more and seemed a bit uneasy near Sharon. So Elena led the girl to a small corner and Maria began to tell.

_That morning__ at school, Sharon sat jiggling one knee impatiently while she was waiting for Cindy, to show up. The lesson had already started when Cindy finally slipped into the seat Sharon had saved for her._

"_Thanks, Sharon." Cindy whispered. "I have a great plan. You know that house by the river, with all the old stuff?"_

_The other girl nodded "Okay, let's hear it."_

"_My father isn't there on Wednesday and my Mum is too busy. So I thought we could take a look at the whole house. It would be cool and the locket is really beautiful we found there. Maybe we could sell some of the stuff."_

_Sharon's expression had a look of keen interest. Cindy also could need the money because her father cut her money and she got some problems with that._

"_That sounds great, but there is one problem. You know my father was really pissed I came home too late last week. So he placed me under house arrest and he watch out! You can't go alone!"_

"_Shit!" Cindy was thinking for a moment that she grinned. "I will not go alone. I have someone who will come with me and if something goes wrong she could be my scapegoat. You know that girl, her …"_

"At that moment our music teacher, Mrs. Edmund, began to play on her guitar. So I couldn't hear anything more. I'm sorry, agent Delgado."

"No, Maria. That could really help us. You have a suspicion who was that girl?"

"I absolutely didn't know who they mean. We haven't the same interests and I'm not friends with Cindy or Sharon."

Then Maria went back to her classroom and Jack stepped beside Elena.

"I will speak with the class teacher and I want you to speak with rest of the classmates." Jack said and was gone.

--

Jack found Mrs. Pearce in the teacher room. He asked her some questions about Cindy, her friends and grades in school. But it was similar information as the classmates had given them.Cindy was good in school, popular and always nice to the teachers.

"Is someone in the class absent today?" is Jack's last question.

"One moment, please I must have a look at my book." Mrs. Pearce leafed through a small blue book before she answered.

"Today two pupils are absent but both are excused." She looks up to Jack.

"Maybe you could tell me who they are." Jack said in a gentle tone.

"I really don't know how this could help you, but the two absent girls are Whitney Davenport and Allisone Fitzgerald."

Jack was puzzled by the last name but before he could inquire about the girl, the woman started to speak.

"I've just remembered that Cindy and Whitney know each other from their childhood, they were close friends. Maybe she can tell you something about Cindy's activities in the afternoon though they aren't so close today." Mrs. Pearce took a breath and was interrupted by Jack. Allisone Fitzgerald was too much of a coincidence that he couldn't ignore. Martin was always closed, but this would beat everything.

"You know something about Allisone Fitzgerald?"

"She moved to New York a few months ago like Whitney and the two girls make friends with each other. I know that Allisone lives alone with her father; I don't know anything about her mother. She is really popular like Cindy though she hasn't been at the school long, but she has such a creative and friendly character and the teacher and the pupils like her. On the other side she's closed about private things. I met her father Martin Fitzgerald a few weeks ago, friendly, but cool."

Jack thanked her for her help and turned away, only his years of experience kept his face impassive, inside he was rocked by this information, Martin had a daughter!

--

Jack was waiting in front of the school for Elena. He had spoke with Vivian, but there was no demand for ransom. He frowned as he thought about what Mrs. Pearce had told him, Martin had a daughter, as it had in the school, the thought of it gave Jack a kick in the gut. After the events with the murder of his sister Jack thought Martin had started to trust the team a bit more. Jack shook his head, guess not, he thought sadly, old habits die hard. Elena interrupted his thoughts when she came out of the school.

"Cindy didn't want to tell Sharon who of the girls she waned to take along if she had problems. I believe her. She implored me to tell nothing to her parents. She gave me the address of this anonymous house. Should we go have a look at it?"

Jack didn't answer immediately. "Call Danny, have him go with you. I'm going back to the office, there is something waiting for me."

With these words Jack went to his car and drove away. Elena was a little bit confused, but she got her mobile phone and called Danny.

--

Jack didn't drive back to the office how he planned. At first he visited the home of Whitney Davenport. When the door was opened, a tall and slender black woman stood in front of him. She asked him to come in. When he spoke about why he was here, she sent for her daughter.

"Hello, Whitney, I'm Special Agent Jack Malone. Cindy Petersen is missing since yesterday evening. Maybe you have some information about her activity in the afternoon and evening?"

"When we were younger, we were really good friends, but she moved away with her parents and we met then again when my family moved also to New York about three months ago. I was really surprised to meet Cindy, but she wasn't any longer the girl I had known. Sometimes she could be really cruel and then she was always so arrogant. So we are not really close friends."

Jack told her about the incident Maria had seen. The agent noticed that Whitney became nervous.

"I can't help you, Agent Malone. Cindy didn't tell me anything about her activities." She said abruptly, her eyes darting away from him.

"Whitney, I have two daughters and I know when they donn't say the truth. So please, tell me if you know something."

The young girl looked up to her mother, who nodded.

"I don't know what happened with Cindy, but I know the girl who met with her yesterday evening. It was my friend, Allisone Fitzgerald. They wanted to talk and go to the cinema. We were supposed to meet before school this morning, but then I become ill. But I believe Allie has nothing to do with Cindy's disappearing."

"Why you're so certain about this fact?"

"She's not really the type for something like this. Yeah, she had stolen something, but this was only two times. Allie has a special creativity, a special way to see the world and she is always friendly to the younger children. She wouldn't do anything to harm Cindy!" Whitney's eyes pleaded with Jack to believe her.

They spoke a few minutes more then Jack said good-bye to Whitney and her mother and made his way back to the office.

--

Danny peered carefully through the gap behind the plywood board and then pushed himself inside the house. The building smelled of dust, mildew and old plaster. When his eyes adjusted to the dim light he saw uncovered floor boards and walls, which were reduced to the girders. A corridor led to doorless openings and Danny supposed that more rooms lay behind. The stairs on the right side had no banister. From the ceiling are hanging stripes of old paint. Elena climbed up the stairs behind Danny. They walked with long footsteps over the gaps between the single steps. Boards creaked when they came higher. Slowly the first floor came into sight: uncovered walls, bare walls and one more stair without a banister. When they arrived at the first floor they hear the strong muffled noise of the traffic. Both agents went to the left and climbed over a hole in the ground and slipped through a dimly corridor.

They caused quite a stir and small bits of debris crunched under their feet. Both looked in a doorway which they passed and saw a room with cupboards full of curiosities. When they go on they came to a corridor which led further into the house. A creaking noise stopped them; it was in the dark hole at the side of the two agents. One board lay on the bare ground. More boards in piles leaned against the wall; boxes stood between them. A tarpaulin lay on the ground covered with bits of wood and sawdust. A rope was hanging from the ceiling. Suddenly a move in the dark caught Elena's attention. In the next corridor was a blue jacket. The agents probably startled someone out his hiding place and now he wanted to escape. Maybe the person had something to do with the missing girl.

"FBI! Freeze!" Elena shouted. Then she started to run and followed the person.

"Elena! Wait!" Danny shouted.

But the black-haired woman ran over the tarpaulin and then fell into the hole in the ground which was hidden from her. She grabbed for the rope when her knees disappeared, then her hips; at that moment a strong grip encircled her arm, Danny.

But the tarpaulin sagged further through the hole. Her chest was at the same level like the floor.

"Be careful, Danny" Elena warned him. "I cannot see what is under the tarpaulin and where the edge is."

Danny held her tight when he slowly bent forward so that he could grip the rope. Suddenly the rope released probably it wasn't made to hold two people and he lost his balance. Danny and Elena became weightless and fell together, with the tarpaulin, through the hole.

--

When Jack arrived at the office there was no one except Martin. The younger agent was deep into his work. With a frown he looked through some papers and didn't notice Jack.

"Hey, Martin." Jack announced himself as he stopped at Martin's chair.

The younger man jerked up when he heard the voice.

"I'm sorry! I didn't want to scare you." Jack apologized.

"It's okay. I'm only tired. The night was really long" he said and rubbed his eyes. "Did you found out something new?"

"Yeah, indeed."

Martin looked curiously at Jack.

"After all that happened before I thought you trusted us. Why didn't you tell us you had a daughter?" the older man asked him.

Now Martin looked doubtful. There was a long silence until he decided to speak.

"You had never asked for it and how could I tell you something I barely understand on my own? What has this to do with the case?"

"Whitney Davenport told me that Cindy Petersen met with a young girl yesterday evening. The name of the girl was Allisone Fitzgerald."

Martin tensed and was silent again, but then he sighed.

"Yeah, I know Whitney Davenport and Allisone is really my daughter. I didn't know she met with Cindy Petersen. She wanted to go to bed when I left her yesterday evening."

"But why didn't she say anything to you about her meeting with Cindy?"

"She's eleven years old and didn't tell me everything that happened. It's not easy for both of us and sometimes it's quite difficult."

"The class teacher, Mrs. Pearce, told me that your daughter is ill?" Jack kept at it.

"She didn't feel well, so I brought her home."

"And you both live alone? So what do you do with her when you're here?"

"What do you mean, Jack?"

"She's eleven years old, ill and nobody is there at home to take care of her. You should go home."

Martin stared unbelieving at Jack.

"Of course I must speak with her, but I think there is no hurry to deal with it in this moment, now go home." Jack stated relaxing into a small smile to let Martin relax a bit.

"Thanks Jack."

Martin rose and grabbed his things; before he left the bullpen he turned to Jack.

"The rest of the team … they know about her?" He asked a little bit trembling.

"No, they know nothing about her, but you can't keep this a secret for long."

"And what can I say? I have an eleven-year old daughter and her name is Allisone?"

"I don't know, Martin. I really don't know." Jack said gently.

Martin didn't reply instead he stepped to the elevator and went home.

--

This was the first chapter and I hope you like it. Don't forget to review


	3. Impressions

Here is the second chapter of the story. Sorry for taking so long, but some essays wanted to be written at home. Now enjoy the chapter and I would be glad about some reviews.

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**2. chapter**** „How to be lost": "Impressions"**

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Brian Spence "My arms are strong"

Come to me my darling child.  
Is the world upsetting you  
I'll hold you in my arms a while  
Nothings so bad  
Don't you know that I will protect you?  
Some have let you down I know  
No one hurts like friends  
So wear my love like winter clothes  
And weather the storm  
And weather the winter again and again  
My arms are strong, I will carry you home forever  
My arms are strong, I will carry you home forever  
And if you find one day you're just not feeling right  
And if you wake up and you just can't sleep at night  
And if you turn around and no one's there, no one's there  
I'll be yours  
Forever and ever  
Nothing's so bad  
Don't you know I will protect you?

--

--

When Martin came home, he looked in on his daughter first. The door to her room was closed, only a dim light shone through the door. Quietly he opened it and pushed himself into the room. Allie seemed asleep and lay on her back. Her hands still held her drawing-book. Her head was slightly bent to the side, her blond hair with the blue strands held together with a hair band. Martin bent over his daughter and took the book carefully out of her hand. Then he kissed her cheek and his hair tickled his chin. Martin breathed in deeply and smelled the scent of her peppermint shampoo. As quiet as possible he left the room and closed the door behind him and then went to his own bedroom.

--

The doorbell rang and Martin was sure it was Jack, it was. Martin let him in and they sat down on the couch in the living room.

"You know, I have to talk with your daughter. Elena and Danny went to the old house this afternoon looking for evidence."

_When Elena landed, the impact took her breath away – just as the __pain in her ribs when Danny hit her. She heard a crash, looked up and saw a falling board hit the edge of the hole. It cut two more boards and all fell towards them._

"_Be careful!" __Elena cried and pulled Danny aside. It was in the nick of time, because a few seconds later the board hit the ground._

"_Thanks for saving my life." He said hoarsely._

"_I wouldn't do this for everyone." The dark-haired woman laughed and leaned back with exhaustion. _

_After a few minutes to catch their breath they both got carefully back on their feet._

"_Nothing broken so far?" Danny asked Elena._

"_Beside some bruises I'm okay. Let us see, if we find some traces of the running person."_

"_Are you sure you saw something. It was dark and maybe…"_

"_Of course was there someone. I know what I have seen. Come on!" Elena defended herself._

_A noise caused the two agents to turn around; there stood someone in the shadow of the corridor. One moment the person stood still, before he disappeared quickly behind the corner on the right side. Elena started to run with Danny hard on her heels. When they came around the corner, both agents ran through the corridor following his grey light. Then there was another corridor and it seemed that they were imprisoned in a labyrinth. They passed a few cupboards, boards and chests until they reached a window opening without glass. Breathlessly Elena climbed out of the window and jumped to the ground._

_Far __in the distance she could see the person in a dark sweater and hood who ran along at the wire fence until he reached a building site. Only a few cars were on the streets. The person wriggled over the fence and came down on the road, before he began to run again._

"Are they okay?" Martin asked dismayed.

"Yes, they are okay – well, beside a few bruises, but the person escaped. That's why we don't know if the unknown has something to do with the disappearance of Cindy Petersen. I really would like to speak with Allisone."

"I know." Martin sighed. "But I'm not sure if she will talk to you. She doesn't trust strangers, especially adults."

The older agent nodded.

"Sure, but, Martin, I…" Jack stopped and Martin followed his glance.

In the door stood Allisone in jeans, a blue top and arm warmers from her wrists to her elbows in the same colour as her top. She had blue ribbons tied in her very fair hair.

"Jack, this is my daughter, Allisone."

The young girl come closer and greeted Jack.

"Nice to meet you. Do you feel better?"

She only nodded and sat down beside her father.

--

Allie sat in the armchair and stared at the screen of the TV. Her father's boss had left more than a half hour ago and since that time it was calm in the apartment. Only a floor lamp in the corner the gentle light illuminated the bookshelves. Outside raindrops gently splashed against the window, but the young girl ignored all of this so lost in her thoughts. When Martin stepped out of the kitchen, he stopped at the door to the living room and saw his daughter. She seemed so serious and sat in such a dignified posture, like a bishop of the middle Ages. She was quieter in the evening as usual, and while he stood there thinking about her Allie looked up. Her face brightened and she smiled at him. He shook his finger playfully at Allisone upon which she rolled her eyes. Martin went into his bedroom and closed his door. The dark was pleasant to him, no lamp lit up the room and he fell on the bed.

"_Allisone, I want talk to you about Cindy Petersen. She disappeared yesterday evening and her parents are worried about her. Maybe you can tell me where she could be or what could happen to her. I know you both met in the evening. __Is there anything that you want to tell me?" Jack asked and looked into her eyes. The girl avoided his glance and instead she stared on her hands. _

"_Cindy and I were in the cinema, but then she got bored and told me that there was something she wanted to show me. But I really don't know what happened to her, I swear!"_

"_But what have you both done in that old villa?"_

_At this question she has a look at her father. He didn't know she was in that dilapidated house and had endangered her life. She should be more responsible or she would live with her grandparents, since this was not an option for her, Allie decided to lie._

"_Nothing.__ I thought it was better to walk home when she showed me the house. It didn't look really safe. Can I go now? I'm tired and would like to go to bed."_

_Allie didn't wait for an answer but as she stood Martin gripped her wrist causing his daughter to turn towards him. Wordlessly they looked each other full in the face until Allie shook her head and walked away. Jack noticed the scene but didn't say a word until Allie was gone._

"_I know she is your daughter although I didn't know you had a daughter and I really don't know why she lives with you now and not the whole four years. You haven't said one word about her mother, her past, but I __know__ she didn't tell me the truth about yesterday evening. If she doesn't tell the truth she could have problems."_

"_As you said, Allie is my daughter and what happened to her it's none of your business. You don't speak alone with her. She's only eleven years old. You understand me, Jack? If you don't mind I want you to go."_

_Jack looked at him and sighed. He had known this could be problematic. Beside Martin was the son of the FBI vice-director._

"_You know what happen if the girl is hurt or something else and your daughter has something to do with it. I only want to protect her, but in this way I don't know how. If she wants to say what really happened, you know where you can find me."_

_Both men stood up and Martin let him out. When Martin was alone, he leaned against the door and sunk to the floor. He put his head on his knees and sat still for more than half an hour._

_Unnoticed __by Martin Allie came out of her room, she had eavesdropped on the discussion between the two men. Allie wanted to go to her father, embrace him and say she was sorry, but she couldn't. Allie felt worse than ever and began to cry. Inside she felt torn and lonely; she didn't want everything to go wrong! Fleeing back into her room she lay down on her bed allowing the softness of the blanked under her cheek to absorb her tears._

_--_

Martin must have fallen asleep because when he sat up in his bed with a jerk everything was quiet. When he had a look at his watch it was already after one o'clock. Martin lay back but it was impossible for him to put to sleep, so he decided to run to clear his head.

"Daddy?" Allisone called timidly for him when he went to open the door. So he came into her room.

She sat in the dark and was drinking out of her small water bottle.

"What's wrong with you, sweetie? A bad dream?"

Allie shook her head and continued to drink. But she had a frightened face, breathed heavily and had called for him in the night. Her dream was bad. Allie stopped drinking and closed the bottle and lay down.

"Dad…"

"I'm here."

His daughter sat up again and switched on her blue star on the bedside. Suddenly she threw herself into her father's arms. Martin kissed her hair, her forehead. Allie shoulders were trembling and although he cannot feel the tears through his sweater he knows they are there. Allie put her head at Martin's neck and now he could feel the warm tears. He embraced her more firmly and after a few minutes she didn't tremble any longer. He put one of his fingers under her chin and forced her to look up. Her eyes are red and puffy, but her look was similar like her mother years ago.

"Everything is okay!"

"Where are you going?"

"When?"

"A short while ago!"

"When you called me?"

"Yes, where are you going?"

"No where, Allie." And Martin stroked his hand gently over her hair and smiled at her. "It was only a bad dream," he said. "Lie down and sleep now."

She lay down.

"That seemed not like a dream." She whispered.

"Bad dreams didn't seem to one as if", Martin said. "And when you wake up they disappear. Should I stay until you are asleep?"

He already knows the answer.

Her head sank slowly on the cushion, the blanket pulled up to her chest. She gripped her old bear Willi. Martin kissed her cheek and gently stroked her hair. He noticed that Allie was tired and soon would fall asleep.

"I don't go anywhere, you already know that…"

Obviously relieved Allie closed her eyes and slowly began to fall asleep, with the certainty that her father surely would be there if a nightmare would jerk her up.

_The __roads are wet. It's muggy and the scent of heat rises from the tar. One morning. Mummy sleeps, her long blond hair is spread over the pillow, and the door is open. Dad is in the kitchen and prepares breakfast. They are my true parents, but it seems from another life, in which I don't belong any longer. The table in the kitchen is set with spoons and blue dishes and bowls. The water for tea begins to gurgle, two pieces of toasts jump out of the toaster. The newspaper lies between the orange juice and the milk, the voice of Joe Cocker sings on the radio._

_I sleep and two persons lay beside me. They smell like apple pie. I'm in a warm and comfortable room. Outside it rains. I'm longing desperately for these two people. Although Emma and Ted assured that I'm their biological child and I'm imagining these things. But I hear these two people breathe. I can close my eyes and feel them beside me. I want to open my eyes, to see who lay beside me, but I'm too afraid. I'm paralysed._

_And so I lay there in the night. I do not belong here and I'm not Julie Michaels. I'm somebody else and somewhere another life waits for my return._


	4. The calm before

I finally update the story with a new chapter. Sorry it took so long, but I needed a break to finish some of my studies.

But now have fun with the third chapter and don't forget to review! Special thanks to Michaela and Helen for their patience, friendship and support!

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**In memory of ****STEFFI, IBRAHIM, KRISSI, JACKY, SELINA, VICKY, JANA, CHANTAL, NICOLE, NINA, MICHAELA, SABRINA, FRANZ, SIGURT and DENIS. Those who died during the shooting in Winnenden and Wendlingen on 11****th**** March 2009. **

"Farewell – a word so easy to say, but hard – so unspeakable hard to bear."

**------**

**3. Kapitel „How to be lost": „****The calm before"**

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All I Ask Of You (Phantom of The Opera)

"I'm here, nothing can harm you -  
my words will warm and calm you.  
Let daylight dry your tears.  
I'm here beside you,  
to guard you and to guide you . . ."

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"Okay, Allie, it's time to get up." Martin called out of the kitchen.

There was no answer. He sighed, put away the butter and went to her room.

Martin opened the door. "Allie?" he asked.

He smiled when he heard Allie grumble under her blanket.

"Come on. You must eat something."

"Just five minutes, Dad."

"No, honey. Breakfast is ready." Martin stepped into the dark room and went to Allie's bed. "If you remember the last time you wanted to stay in bed for five minutes you fell asleep."

Allisone sighed and slowly got out of the bed. She went to the bathroom and reached for her tooth brush. Martin went back to the kitchen and brewed the tea. He didn't sleep well last night because the disappearance of Allie's classmate was on his mind.

"Dad?" a voice asked behind him and he cleared his mind, turned and saw his daughter with her angelic face. Like every day he had pinned a note on the refrigerator. This morning the note reads as follows:

"It's human to have secrets, so it's human to reveal them earlier or later." (Philip Roth)

It seems she had seen it.

"Can we go to your boss and speak with him? Now? Immediately?" Allie played nervously with her cardigan.

Her father nodded and embraced her.

"I'm afraid! What if…"

"No, Allie! Don't think about it! Never! Okay?" he begged.

But Allie burst out into tears; she couldn't think or control herself. Finally her mourning found a way out from behind the wall she'd built to hide it. Martin tried to speak but the words didn't get out of his mouth. So father and daughter sat wordless side by side. After a while Allisone calmed down and they began to eat. Again Martin was lost in his thought. How would the other agents react when he told them about his daughter?

"What have you in mind? A beautiful woman?" Allie asked curiously.

"You are the only beautiful woman I think about at the moment!"

"Nice try, Dad." But Allie didn't keep at it. "Thanks for the help with the paint. Now it's complete."

Grateful that his daughter changed the topic, Martin began to smile. He knew that he was transparent to Allie in the same way like her mother.

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Both Fitzgerald's stepped into the FBI-building. When they reached the security gate Martin introduced Allie as his daughter.

"Wow! It's not a secret any longer, is it?" Allisone asked when the doors of the elevators were closed.

"No, it's no longer a secret. I don't want to hide you. You're my one and only daughter and I love you."

"That's cool. I love you, too." And Allie hugged her father.

The doors opened on the 12th floor. Martin took a deep breath and then both went to Jack's office.

"Hey, Jack. Can we talk to you?"

"Of course Martin, come in." Jack said and stood up.

Father and daughter walked in and they sat down. The young girl was still pale, but her eyes were clear and the only sign of her nervousness was chewing on her lip. It seemed she was stubborn like her father was.

"Cindy's parents are worried about her." Jack began. "The disappearance of their daughter has opened a void in their lives. Without knowing where she is, if she's all right, when she'll come home they'll never have any peace or happiness. We need you to help us give them that peace, will you do that?" Jack looked Allie closely.

There was silence for a minute and then Allie began to speak, her voice soft.

"Last week Cindy asked me if we want to meet after school and go to the cinema. I said yes, because I hoped we could be friends. We arranged to meet two days ago at eight o'clock and Cindy came. But instead of going to the cinema she led me to this rundown house. This was probably her plan right from the beginning and when I wanted to return Cindy became really mean."

"In what way, did she threaten you?" Allie was interrupted by Jack.

"She meant either I joined her to inspect the house or she would tell everyone it was my idea if we get caught. They would believe her; because I was … I was caught by the police two times." Allie hesitated before she spoke on, her heart beating with fear but with her dad squeezing her hand she drew strength and she squeezed back.

_Allie stood in the dark and fough__t against her fear. They went through the entrance hall and then to the first floor. She was bothered the most by the terrific silence and welcomed the small sounds their shoes made, or the occasional creaks of the old house, sounds she realized caused Cindy to wince. Huh, she thought, it seems Cindy isn't as tough like she pretends. _

_On the left side__ of the first floor she could identify a corridor which led into a pitch-dark room. Cindy pulled a flashlight out of her rucksack and they traversed the next hallway. When they come to an open door both girls went in. Curious Allie looked around, suddenly Cindy gasped for air beside her. Allie looked and saw glass jars filled with what was likely formaldehyde in which swam preserved objects. They really wanted to stay, but they went on. In the next room were tables with old-fashioned-looking apparatus and equipment. Perplexed the girls stared at a steam boiler and galvanised containers which vaguely resembled old milk cans. In other rooms there were boxes with preserved birds wrapped in cotton, garments and jewellery from the last hundred years from all over the world. Furthermore there were weapons, amours, daggers, swords, bows, pistols and rifles. This was such a wealth._

"After that I left. The house was scary to me and the whole time I was in there I had a feeling like I was being watched and – and there were these footsteps. I believe they followed us. Cindy told me that I was imagining the steps but it seemed so real to me. And when I heard noises the floor above me and I almost ran out of the house. Then Cindy probably got scared because only a few minutes later she came out, too. She said I'm a coward and I should just get home. This was the last time I saw Cindy. I really don't know what happened to her."

Allie's blue eyes were soft and clear. She held tight to her father's hand with both her hands.

"Martin, can I speak to you alone? Allie would you wait outside, please?"

The girl seemed unsure for the first time and looked nervously to her father.

"It's okay. I'm right back there." he said softly.

"Martin, I know your private life is none of my business, but no one can verify what she said."

"She was at our apartment when I came home from the office. We talked to each other and she made sure she isn't responsible for Cindy's disappearance. I believe her, she wouldn't lie to me."

"But she hasn't stayed long with you. How do you know if she is telling the truth? Do you want to tell me something about her past? What happened to Allie and her mother and why does she now live with you?"

There was a deep silence for more than two minutes until Martin began to speak.

"I'm not ready to tell you the story, Jack. It's too much. But I will soon, please be patient."

Jack Malone sighed. "I think that's enough for me at the moment. But Martin, you and Allie should be available if we have some more questions."

Martin stood up and went to the door.

"Allie is a nice kid. I hope you both get along well with each other."

The younger agent turned when his boss said this. It seems he wants to speak, but when he saw that Jack already bent over his desk, Martin stepped out of the door.

Jack was worried, but he couldn't explain why. He almost called Martin back into his office, but then he shook his head and worked on.

Allisone and Martin waited for the elevator to bring them down. Father and daughter were the only ones when it finally stopped and they got in. Allie glanced nervously at her father. He noticed and squeezed her hand gently. Now when secret about his daughter was out the pressure on his chest was gone and breathing was easier. The doors of the elevator closed with one final ring.

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I hope you like it and want to read more ;- )


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